I recently read ( or partially read, I didn’t finish the entire e-book before the library loan expired) on parenting. The title of the book: How to talk so little kids will listen, by Joanna Faber.
You see , my daughter Sage is just like her mother, like most of the females in our family ( if you know us, you’ll understand, and if you are one of us you’re fierce and I love you ) she is smart, willful, inquisitive and a bit of a bossy pants. I love her dearly , but effective parenting with a strong willed child can be a challenge. I want her to know her boundaries, to be kind and respectful; I never want her to lose her spirt, to lose that curiosity. As the years pushed by and adulthood set in I definitely have, like most of us do. But I’m hoping with the right boundaries and freedoms she can claim that spirit for the entirety of her life.
Obviously this book is on parenting, and has strategies on how to better communicate with children and elicit better results and behavior. It’s been about a week or so and although she still has plenty of moments and is rather rambunctious I see marked improvement in her attitude. The book is about communicating on the child’s level, about calmly reacting to situations and not reacting in anger. About letting go of the idea of having control , and with proper guidance allowing the child to have control of their actions and reactions. I’ll say one thing , it certainly makes sense to me. While I’ve always had some level of respect for authority and elders because it’s he right thing to do , I’ve never blindly respected someone. How can I respect someone if they don’t show respect to me? Yes my kids temper tantrum is aggravating and seems completely trivial , to her though these big feelings are important and confusing and hard to sift through. How can she learn to process these feelings and control her reactions if my reaction is just to yell, punish or demand something of her? I’m sure some people are thinking I’m a bit crazy, you don’t have to accept the behavior , just acknowledge their feelings and help them process them and problem solve their own solutions. Children are extremely smart, resilient and really just tiny little humans. Yes grown up problems are more pertinent than kid problems, but the feelings they elicit are no different in adults than kids. We’ve just learned to express ourselves and deal with our emotions properly.
I’m learning to approach problems differently , to try to breath more and that unless her or others safety is directly at risk , it’s ok to take a breath and think my next step through. I don’t need to have an immediate reaction, because likely it will come from a place of frustration and anger, in return eliciting feelings of anger and frustration in her and setting the stage for a crappy ending. Here’s to hoping it works, I’ll tell you one thing since her brothers arrived she’s been a bit different , I feel like I’m getting my girl back. She’s been kore cuddly and snuggly like she used to be and I kind of love it❤️