All in the Family

Today was a big day for us, well specifically for Sage. About 2.5 years ago she had her first vision appointment , at the time our concerns were that she might have a cross eye, that has mellowed significantly over time. So a bit of a mom fail on my part , I never took her for a follow up.

I finally decided it was time to go back for that follow up , and very soon our crew will be adding another glasses wearer to the ranks. The doctor whom by the way is amazing and we love and trust is t super concerned with the cross eye , but Sage does have some farsightedness that the doctor felt needed correcting.

Sage was such a great patient! She followed all the directives she was given , and just flew through that exam like a pro. She has been to a few of her brothers appointments and has an idea of how it goes. Watching her try on glasses and pick colors was too cute. Her end choice was a pair of Frames called Tutti Frutti made by Dilli Dalli in the colt raspberry , Dilli Dalli is the same company Atlas’ frames are made by. So we are about to be a Dilli Dalli family.

It was a bit emotional for mom , not necessarily the fact that she had to wear glasses .. seriously she’s my kid she was doomed from the start In that aspect. Just it’s a big change , and I’m hoping she handles it as well as she did her appointment.

Best part of today is that , although I love my son dearly I was able to have my friend watch him so that I could totally focus on Sage today. We read lots of books in the doctors waiting room , snuggled , picked out new glasses for her together and even had time for a lunch date. Having two kids changed the dynamic quite a bit and it was just good to have some quality mommy Sage time .

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Calling all parents, I don’t care what you do as a living but raising your children will be the most important , and most difficult “job” you will ever have.

Now I’m no parenting pro, my personal opinion there’s no such thing. You see as someone really wise, and rather awesome once told me I was made for my kids and they were made for me. God gifted me these absolutely gorgeous amazing children , because he knew I was exactly who they needed. Like most is there are days when I feel so tested , so done. Then there are days when I feel like I’ve really got my ish figured out.

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit les adequate , Sage is such an inquisitive, adventurous sweet little girl and I adore her for it, but there are days where its just so much. And I’m trying my damndest yo be patient , because I never ever want her desire to soak everything in to fade, I admire her so much for that. I wish for just a minute I could get back that energy , that zest for life and learning that we all once possessed. I absolutely still love learning, but something is definitely lost as we age. That little extra spark it fizzles and hope I manage to help keep that alive in get for as long as possible.

Oh and little Atlas, my ever so brave and daring prince. I know that his vision issues are nothing compared to the plethora of other problems he could be facing. But man as a parent it sucks to watch your kid struggle. The past couple days have been so difficult for him patching wise. There are days when he barely notices it , not this week though. This week it’s like I put a piece of flaming magma on his face and he needs to get it off as quick as possible. Not only will it possibly effect his vision if he doesn’t get in enough patch time, but it gets a bit pricey once we start going through 3,4,5 patches a day. And I’ll tell you it’s just so tough having to daily put your child through something they don’t like, but I refuse to give up because it’s my job to fight for you. So I promise with every bit of my might I will always fight for your vision , even when it’s hard for you.

I know this post has been rather long winded , but my point is parenting is tough , we all love our kids and have days where we feel like total parent failures, but my friend is right I’m meant to be their mom , and their meant to be my kids.

Only a mother (or father , or grandma, stepmom, stepdad etc) knows what their child needs. Each child is different and no matter what the next person sees , heard or thinks … YOU are the one who knows them , their fears, joys, strengths , weaknesses. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise

The Magic Number is Four

Yesterday was a big day, actually there’s been lots of “big” days recently. Two that particularly stand out though are today , which is the 4th anniversary of my mother’s passing and the 19th was Sage’s fourth birthday.

These past four and a half years have been so full. I’ll never forget the day I first found out I was pregnant with Miss Sage. It was the beginning of June 2014. Between June and July 2014 there were so many life changing moments. June 8th I participated in the One Mission Buzz Off which raises money through “sponsors” donating money to each buzzee, really this was just my excuse to buzz my hair without being a total freak. I always wanted to know what I would look like , and how it felt to have a buzzed head. I must say I not only ticked it , but I personally raised $1300 to a good cause.

June 19, 2014 my mother had her first surgery.

July 15 , 2014 mom had another surgery , a huge surgery where they removed her bladder , kidney and a hysterectomy. And my husband Steve and I signed on our first home together and officially began our journey as home owners.

November 2014 mom went back to the oncologist and at that point everything seemed to be well

Christmas Day 2014 mom was in pain , late that night my brother to took her to the ER. By New Years Day 2015 my mother was back at the hospital in Boston.

January 1st 2015 our daily started the New Year Off by meeting with a palliative care specialist and having the news delivered that our beautiful mother would have a maximum of 6 months to live.

Over the next few months we spent as much time with mom as we could at the nursing home and made as many memories as we could.

On February 19, 2015 Sage was delivered by c-section and she ended up needing to spend 5 days in the NICU for monitoring.

February 24,2015 we were able to bust free from the NICU and our first stop was to see mom. That days was the most bitter sweet day of my life. We got to see our mother meet the grandchild she had always dreamed of knowing this would be the only memory they would ever have together. I will cherish that day deep in my heart until the day I get to see her again. The love in that room, the bonding of spirits was magical. I swear Sage soaked up some of moms life force. I see so so much of my mother in Sage it’s sometimes unreal.

I don’t know why I felt this important to share , but this is our journey and my mother is part of that journey. What she left me is priceless and my only hope is that in this life I can give as much love as she did. My mother had so much love and little confidence and I’m hoping and praying that even though I wasn’t always shown confidence I can find my own and teach my children to always believe in themselves.

Great Podcasts for Kids

Parents , are you always busy?

Do you enjoy learning alongside your kids?

Do you spend time in the car?

Do you listen to the radio ?

Well if you’ve answered yes to any of these questions and have never thought about it before , try listening to podcasts with your kids. My favorite time to tune in is on car rides, especially longer car rides. I hook my iPhone up to Bluetooth and voila instant access to podcast listening.

Amazingly my 3 (almost 4 year old) seems to really enjoy tuning in . She often asks me to put a podcast on (how cute?!?!) Here is a list of some of the podcasts we’ve tried and enjoyed so far. This list is on no particular order

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/474377890/but-why-a-podcast-for-curious-kids

A podcast that features questions sent in by curious kids. If you’re child has a good question you can send in an Audi file of them asking it , and one day you might just hear their question being answered on the podcast. I’m waiting for Sage to ask me a real doozy, so we can send something in and maybe hear her on the show one day.

https://www.brainson.org/pages/about

Brains on is a Science podcast for kid. It’s super fun and super engaging. Their little tag line on the show is very catchy. It’s hosted by Molly Bloom and features different experts and specialists and there are episodes on so many different areas of science. The show captures my and my daughters interest and is fun and engaging.

You can also Check out Forever Ago a history podcast by Brains On. The episodes are told like stories and are very interesting to learn from.

https://www.earsnacks.org/about/

And then there Ear Snacks in the newest one I’ve tried , and only heard a few episodes, but so far I think it’s super fun

Basically I think Podcasts can be a fun way to supplement your kids education , and enjoy some family bonding .

Good Grief

There’s something about losing someone that just changes you. It feels like something is missing, like a piece of you is gone. While in the physical sense yes , this lived on, this person is not here, there is no physical being. But no one , I repeat no one can away that piece from you , it feels like it’s gone (it really does) .. the thing of it they are never really gone. If this person was someone who was truly a part of you , they will never not be part of you. They still love on in your memories, in your dreams, in your heart, in all the little ways you are like them , in the other people around you who loved them.

I’ve been thinking so much about my mom lately, I don’t know why it’s hitting me hard right now. I think it’s because big things are happening , I’m moving up in the world and all I can think about is she’s not here to be proud of me , or bitch at me and tell me what I’m doing wrong . Though I hated that , I actually miss it.

All I know is I’m thanking for all the little reminders of you in everyday life.

18 going on 19

I’m having a difficult time trying to sum up my year . If you know me, you know I’m a bit scatter brained (but somehow semi-organized) , and my brain is full of ideas that constantly spin around inside this noggin of mine. At times I can find the perfect words, and other times it’s a struggle to make my point without going off on a million different tangents.

The most important things this year have been the small victories, those little tiny seemingly insignificant things ; like the days when Atlas wears his patch with little to no fighting it may seem like a small victory , but it’s huge to me. It means so much to me .. it means my boy is strengthening his affected eye which is so good. Or when my husband spells out a word (sucker) and my 3 year old tries to sound it out. Of course this isn’t the greatest thing , but hey it means she’s learning , taking in information and trying to phonetically sound out letters and put a word together , yea this momma thinks that’s awesome.

Obviously there are the big things too , like Atlas having and exam under anesthesia and being able to hold off on a surgery we thought was necessary at the time , or Sage having her first big fall and trip to the ER. And for myself taking and completing the Tax Course so that in 2019 instead of being the receptionist in the tax office I work at, i will be completing tax returns for clients!

I’m looking forward to all the learning and adventure this next year will bring. My biggest goals are to save money, start eliminating debt and to really pay attention to the little things. Sometimes you get so hung up on the big things, that the little things get overlooked and they shouldn’t be.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year from my family to yours

Valhalla

This week marked another adventure in our eye care journey with Sir Atlas. At the beginning of November we made a trip to New York to meet with Dr.Zaidman a cornea specialist. At that visit he couldn’t get a good look at Atlas and asked us to come back for an Exam under anesthesia. On The 26th Atlas, my husband Steve and I took the 3 hour journey to Maria Fareri Children’s Hospital I’m Valhalla, NY.

The difference between today and the last two times he was put under anesthetics, is that this time instead of just letting the nurse take him into the OR i went with in with him. It broke my heart to watch him writhe on the table as they put the mask over his face, but I’m incredibly glad I was the last thing he saw and heard before he went to sleep. I know these exams are going to be part of his life, I’m hoping that we can do them as few and far between as possible. I hope my singing and touch calmed him and this won’t be a terrible memory for him. Thankfully it was just an exam so when he woke up he had no pain to deal with.

This doctor confirmed some information we already knew, which is great. The next step is for my boy to try a new drop which may reduce the swelling in his affected eye. Here’s to hoping that’s successful and will be helpful for him. Your journey has just begun my boy and I’m incredibly grateful God trusted me enough to be your momma.